💌 Dear Darling #001

“He’s Not My Boyfriend... But I Sleep Over Every Weekend?”

From: “Delulu but Hot”

“Okay so I’ve been seeing this guy for like… 3 months? It’s not “official” but we’re exclusive (I think) and I sleep over all the time and we do couple things but he REFUSES to call it dating. His excuse is 'labels make things complicated' but like sir. I’m not asking for a marriage license, I just want to stop referring to you as 'the guy I’m kinda seeing.' 🙃 It’s especially awkward because I accidentally called him my boyfriend in front of my friends last week and he didn’t correct me, but then later was like 'haha that’s cute.' That’s cute?! Girl. Be serious. Also, he hasn’t posted me once (not even a soft launch), but he’s on IG every day watching gym reels and reposting NBA tweets. I’m literally fighting for my life in the stories tab. Am I being too much? Is it crazy to want clarity after 3 months?”

Dear Darling,

Okay first of all, the nickname? Iconic. I’m obsessed. You win. But also… baby. This whole situation? It’s giving delulu, but don’t panic. We’ve all been there — wine drunk at 2am, making a situationship playlist on Spotify titled “Maybe He’ll Change 🥲.” I’m not judging. I’m holding your hand.

Let’s unpack, shall we?

The Three-Month Rule Exists for a Reason

You’ve been “talking” for 3 months, it’s not official, but you “think” you’re exclusive? Babe. With all the love in my rose-gold heart: no. If a man has not explicitly said “we are exclusive,” then in his mind, you’re not. We as women make beautiful, romantic, delusional assumptions.

Men, on the other hand, don’t even have the processing power to refill the Brita without being asked — let alone declare loyalty through vibes.

If he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend by month three? Trash. Recycling. Compost. Whatever’s fastest.

Why Is He Getting Boyfriend Privileges?

You’re sleeping over. You’re doing couple things. But he refuses to call it dating?

1. It’s giving commitment issues that I could diagnose from across the Pacific.

2. More importantly: do not sleep over at a man’s place if you are not in a committed relationship. That’s not me slut-shaming (girl, get yours), that’s me wondering why you’re giving him all-access girlfriend privileges when he can’t even give you the decency of a title.

You are not a free trial. You are the paid subscription.

“Haha that’s cute” = Emotional Immaturity, 101

You accidentally called him your boyfriend in front of friends and he said… “Haha that’s cute”? Baby. BABY. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I will for the girlies in the back: If a man’s only response to being publicly acknowledged as your man is to gigglegaslight you? He’s not emotionally available — he’s emotionally illiterate.

Trash. Again.

If He’s Not Posting You, There’s a Reason

Listen, if he’s not posting you but he’s posting gym reels and NBA memes, that’s not “lowkey.” That’s “hiding you.” And the harsh truth? If he’s not soft-launching, hard-launching, or even accidentally tagging your elbow, it’s usually because he doesn’t want other girls seeing you exist.

That’s not on you. That’s 100% on him. But don’t ignore the red flag just because it matches your blush.

Your Question: “Am I being too much?”

No. Absolutely not. In fact, I think you’re being too little. You’re accepting below bare minimum behavior and it’s giving him the green light to keep slacking. Here’s the trick about men — they’ll slowly give less and less until you finally say something. And if you don’t? They take that as permission to keep doing less.

So no, baby. You’re not crazy. You’re just hoping for loyalty in a man who’s never even committed to a Spotify plan.

So what do we do?

If you want to keep him (not what I’d do, but I’m not judging), pull away. Don’t text back immediately. Don’t sleep over. Be less available. Let him feel your absence. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll panic and realize he’s losing the baddest thing in his life.

But Bella’s Real Advice™?

Block him. Delete him. Journal about him if you must, but then get in your bikini, blast Lana, and go tan in the name of emotional revenge. Raise your standards. Recalibrate your worth. Never, ever again let a man give you crumbs and call it cake.

You are Delulu but Hot, and honestly? You deserve delulu and loved.

With love, rage, and perfectly curled lashes,

xoxo, Bella James 💌